As I write this book, there are many times I want to leave it. How can I write a book when I am not a perfect parent? I fail often and I’m frequently fatigued. Parenting difficult children is physically, mentally, and emotionally exhausting. In tears yesterday, I said to my husband, “I can’t write this book. I fail and I’m not perfect.” My husband, responded with something very profound: “Yes you can write this, and you are the one to write the book, not because you are perfect but because you know and understand life’s challenges — because you live it. You don’t have two ‘easy’ children and work in a nice office from 9am–5pm, leaving those ‘difficult’ children to other parents to raise. No, you live a life with seven children, four of whom are adopted and have special needs and behaviour issues, along with several other traumatized children living in our home. Each night we have 10 children sitting around our table. You are the one to write the book. You can write because you understand.”

Parenting is a growing process, and I am not perfect at it; but I am growing to be a Stoplight Parent, changing from the way I was parented — from a punishing approach (which was a common form of parenting when I was a child) to a Stoplight Approach.